November Claire

It’s been ages since I have blogged and to be honest I have no excuse, except to say that I am having major problems with both my laptops and I have been busy seeing family.  I thought long and hard about going to Suffolk to see my real dad but I did go in the end.  One part of me didn’t want to see him suffering but then I thought I would never forgive myself if he popped his clogs whilst I was away on holiday and I hadn’t seen him.   It turned out to be the right decision.

I had a good drive down to Suffolk 2 weeks ago last Thursday; the sun was shining which always helps, plus I know the route like the back of my hand.  I have, after all, been making this journey for over 30 years.  Yes the roads have been much improved over the years and for some reason I have no problems driving south just driving north gives me a headache.  I love the view of the River Deben once you cross over the Orwell Bridge.

It took me 2 hours and 20 minutes to reach Woodbridge and as I was ahead of schedule I stopped off at my Aunt Jackie’s for a cup of tea.  This was nostalgic for me because Aunty Jackie’s house has been in my family for over 100 years.  Shame it is has been rented for all this time.   Aunt Jackie took over the tenancy when my gran died.  I think our flat is small but it’s hard to imagine my gran living and bringing up 5 children in such a small old house.  The house hasn’t changed much, it doesn’t have any central heating and the only thing that the landlord has done in 100 years is put in double glazing.

Aunt Jackie is the youngest of all my dad’s siblings and I guess I like her the best.  She has followed a lifetime of study and has never married.  Jackie has never had a boyfriend and I always wondered whether she was a lesbian, but no girlfriends either, so who knows.  I had a cup of tea with Jackie and then we went to The Anchor in Woodbridge for a light lunch.  Aunt Jackie is retired (she is 68) and has been doing a lot to help my dad, along with my sisters I might add.  Over lunch she gave me the low down on recent events with dad, bless her, I think she was preparing me.  She needn’t have though; both the twins have been keeping me updated so I was prepared for the worst.

After lunch I drove to Marie’s house to meet dad.  Marie is my dad’s ex girlfriend, he moved out years ago but they are like old furniture. Marie is 81 and has always been a little crazy but now she too has a touch of dementia.  I have never liked her very much but her house is familiar to dad and he likes to spend 4 or 5 hours there every day so I guess I should be grateful that she tolerates him.  I say tolerate in a broad sense because that is just what she does.  I was lucky on my visit because Marie had an appointment so I only had to suffer her company for an hour.  Then I drove dad back to his sheltered housing flat.

Dad moved into Deben View last year and this was the first time I had seen his flat.  I have to say that I was impressed especially to see that his ground floor flat had views over the river.  It was sad to see that my sisters had put signs on his front door with his name on so that he knows where he lives, they have also had to put signs inside, labelling the bedroom, bathroom, fridge, freezer, and just brought the fact home to me of how bad my dad’s dementia is.

But that said, my visit with dad was a success.  I forget the last time we have spent 2 and half hours in each others company without anyone else and it was nice.  I was also very fortunate to get dad on a lucid day; I did laugh when he showed me into his bedroom and told me that he shared it with another chap but said that he never saw him!  I spent half an hour looking for dad’s watch which thankfully I found and we had several cups of tea and reminisced about the old times.  As it was getting dark, my dad asked if I was getting his tea which took me aback, but luckily the sisters had a ready meal in the fridge which was easy to prepare.  So I was glad I found the courage and made the effort to see dad, I am not sure if I visit in January he will know who I am.  Indeed, I do not know whether he will still be alive.  Phil likes my dad and was miffed that I didn’t include him, but to be honest, going solo was the right thing to do.

I stayed with my sister Julia and got to Ipswich with the help of the sat nav just after 5pm.  Phil very kindly cooked curry and rice which I took down with me to save Julia cooking. Just a shame I left it in the car and it was still frozen solid so Ju had to defrost it in her microwave.  Louise was working in Ipswich so she too joined us for supper.  It was nice to catch up with all 3 of us, obviously most of the talk was about dad, but after Lou left Julia and me drank wine and put the worlds to right.  As you do.  It was a chilled evening, not a late one but a cold one; Julia’s house was freezing.  I don’t know whether her central heating is ineffective or whether she can’t afford to put it on but she did put 2 hot water bottles in her spare bed for me and I was still cold.

Julia made me a bacon sandwich for breakfast and proper coffee and I left her house at 9 am as she had to go to work.  Unfortunately I got stuck in rush hour traffic and it took me almost 3 hours to get back to Milton Keynes.

On the Saturday Phil and I went to Prague.  It was a crap late night flight, the only saving grace was that we flew from Luton but even so, not a lot of fun getting to our hotel at 1 am in the morning. Prague was freezing literally; it was nice of Phil to book me a break and it did do me good getting away but we had such a fantastic time when we went the first time as it was in the summer so this time it didn’t compare.  We got home at 5pm on the Tuesday and I had unpacked and done all the washing and ironing by the time I went to bed.

We went out with the Wednesday night gang the following day which was okay.   Shame there was folk missing and I don’t think the venue lended itself for such a big party plus my steak was so tough I couldn’t eat it.  Still nice to see the old crew. 

On the Saturday after ladies night, I picked up my niece Louise from the Co-op in Wolverton at 10 am and we drove to Broughton to see her sister, my niece Emma so I could meet her children.   The sat nav didn’t recognise the postcode and we got horribly lost but we got there eventually.  Emma’s house is lovely, 3 beds, 3 bathrooms and her children, my great niece and nephew Jaicob and Daisey were very cute.   Emma’s partner, Martyn seemed a nice bloke but the conversation didn’t flow and it was hard work.  I managed 2 hours but felt absolutely drained when I left.  I am beginning to wonder why I felt the need to have contact with my family.  I think as the eldest, at the funeral, I felt the need to make things ‘normal’ but I do not know whether I am strong enough or indeed whether I want to.  Only time will tell.

It wasn’t straight home after the nieces, oh no, I had promised to pick my mum’s long term lover and friend Mike up from Newport and then pick up Janice, mum’s next door neighbour and friend and take them to lunch.  We went to the New Inn at New Bradwell which is where we went last time.  To be fair, both Janice and Mike were good company but aside from my mum, I don’t really have much in common with them.

So Saturday was a very stressful day so I wasn’t impressed when I finally got home that day at half three to find Phil sprawled in his reclining chair without having done the garlic bread.  Sue had another charity dinner and Phil had promised to provide the garlic bread.  To be hair he had chopped garlic and mixed this with the butter and parsley but hadn’t sourced the baguettes. I was not impressed to have to go straight out and search for baguettes.  I couldn’t find any so had to get French loaves which actually did turn out okay.  Talk about last minute though.

Sue’s evening turned out okay, in actual fact, Sue was providing the venue and Pat was providing the food, Pat cooked 2 lasagne’s, Sue cooked one, Phil did the bread and someone else provided the salad, the puddings and the cheese.  We were meant to be staying but ended up going home.  I did however go round at 9am to help with the cleaning up and boy, Sue’s house looked like a bombshell.  Sue and Ian invited us out for Sunday lunch with Pauline and Cameron but thankfully I had the hindsight to decline.  Instead we had a delightful duvet day although I did cook a roast dinner which Harriet unexpectedly joined us for.  Luckily I had enough to go round but I don’t think we were the best company.

I was sad to read on FB that Jan’s dad passed away last week and my condolences go to both her and Steve.  Jan’s dad has been suffering for 2 and a half years now after a stroke so I am thankful that he is not in pain anymore.  Unfortunately I know just what Jan is going through so I hope she can be strong. The funeral is tomorrow.

I am feeling very guilty at going away for most of December and so on Wednesday I went up to Phil’s mum to spend the night with her.  I left at just half seven like usual and had another nightmare 2 hour journey.  There was an accident at J14 just before I joined it and another just after.   Anyway I eventually got to Melton at half nine.  Not only are we away for most of this month but we are also away for mum’s birthday so I decided to do her birthday treat early.  Her birthday treat was a hot stone massage at a Thai massage parlour in the village of Syston.  Mum was anxious and so was I when we got to the place as it was a little down market but there was no cause for concern as Mum loved her 90 minuet massage and said afterwards that it was every bit as good as the massage that she’d had on the cruise.  It was certainly a lot cheaper, 60 quid as apposed to £200.

After the massage parlour there was just time to go back to the bungalow and have a cup of tea and a feet soak before taking mum to her podiatry appointment at the local hospital.   This was a once of year appointment and I was glad I was there and could kill 2 birds with one stone.  I do get cross with Phil’s mum and her reluctance to spend money; her feet have been so bad that she has been in pain when she walks for some time. Argggggggggggggggggggh!  After a busy day it was a cheese sandwich for tea and a night in watching the soaps.

I didn’t stay for lunch in Melton, much to mum’s disappointment, but instead hit the road at 10 am.  I had stuff to do at home and I also had arranged the see sister-in-law Sonia and the nieces to take Christmas presents.  That visit went okay but it’s still not coming naturally to me and I am not sure whether it will.  Twenty years is a lot to catch up on.

We had a very lazy and indulgent weekend. I don’t about anyone else but I get to this time of year when diet and control fly out of the window until the new year, 101 new years resolutions already on the to do list.  On Saturday, Phil fancied a walk and so walked to the Nags Head for lunch. Phil went for the curry and I had the liver and bacon.  In the afternoon it was films and a big tin of Quality Street.

Sunday it was a little more of the same, I did make it to the gym in the morning but in the afternoon we met up with Harriet & Billy and Jim & Shirley for lunch.  The food can be a bit hit and miss at The Giffard and it was a bit like that on Sunday; the boys all had the chicken gourmet burgers which were fine, I had the steak which was a little on the tough side, Harriet had steak also and sent it back because it was tough and Shirley had chicken dippers which she didn’t care for.   Anyway, food aside, the company was good, the drink flowed and we had a good time.  Actually I didn’t realise how late it was when we got home.  Phil & I didn’t see anything on telly because we fell asleep on the sofas then when straight to bed when we woke up at 9pm.  This threw our body clocks because we were both wide awake at 2am and got up to watch telly.  We did go back to bed at 4 am but I didn’t go back to sleep.

Phil was not impressed when I woke him up at 7 am but I had to because he was going to Melton to see his mum and wanted to be on the M1 by half past seven.  I too had to get up because I had paperwork to do and packing stuff.   I can’t complain though because I had another indulgent day yesterday as Sue & I had booked a day at Whittlebury Hall.  Sue drove and we get there for 9.30 am in spite of the Monday morning rush hour traffic.

We had found a deal which included the spa, a mini manicure, a massage, a pedicure, a facial and lunch.  Neither Sue or I fancied the massage so we negotiated and got this changed for a full manicure.  With so much to do before going away, I don’t think Sue and I were really in the mood to be pampered but we did chill, the treatments were lovely and we came away feeling relaxed.  Just a shame that this all went pear shaped the minute I got home.

It wasn’t a biggie really but it felt like it last night because I still have much to do before going away TODAY and plus I was tired.  I had picked up an email before I left for the spa informing me that the London Chequers Gatwick hotel had gone into receivership and therefore wouldn’t be able to honour our booking.  I spoke to Sue who had also booked the same hotel but she hadn’t received an email so I assume it only affected our booking on our return from holiday.  Wrong. A call to booking.com and a call directly to the hotel confirmed that all of our bookings were cancelled.  It took me several phone calls, but eventually I managed to get refunds on various credit cards and make us a booking for this evening.  Actually, aside from the hassle last night, it turned out for the best, because not only have we all saved money but we have booked a hotel that has on site parking which will save us time tomorrow morning.

And so, am I looking forward to this holiday, well yes I am.  I have felt like running away for some time now.  As to whether I am prepared, well no I am not. I haven’t even begun packing for Phil and before I can do this I need him to sort out his wardrobe.   It will all get done I am sure and once I am sitting in the hotel restaurant this evening, pondering the menu and sipping a glass of full bodied Merlot I am sure I will be in holiday mode.  Right now, I need to get Phil out of bed and get packing.  This posting has gone on long enough........................