Mission accomplished

Well I am pleased and very relieved to say that I pulled it off and everything went to plan on Friday.  I went to the sheltered housing place in New Bradwell in the morning and Janice, Ann and Pat were already in the communal hall getting the food organised.  I popped the drinks in the fridge and gave them a hand.  I did have a slight worry that putting out food at 10 am in readiness for a 4 pm wake was not quite following the rules of health and safety but hopefully after I left, they put stuff in the fridge.

Phil took delivery of the funeral flowers whilst I was out and Julia and Louise arrived an hour ahead of schedule.  This was okay except that everything was done and all there was to do was sit around and drink tea.  I had done some tuna and sweet corn sandwiches which we all had to force down our necks because no one was really hungry.  It was a long 2 hours.  Mike arrived at half two just as Phil was leaving to pick up Sue.  We all squeezed in Louise’s car, and I do mean squeeze, and got to the crematorium way too early. 

Janice & Ann were already there as was Mike’s sister and husband.  There were many more people than I expected but some of these included friends of Mike who were there to support him.  It was a little awkward and no one really knew what to say to each other.  I was very anxious about my brother turning up with his kids and I had every right to be.  When he finally came with his partner and 2 daughters, he smelt like a brewery.  I was also shocked at his appearance; he looked much older than his 44 years.  He was also very tactile. 

Harriet and Billy came which I was glad about although Harriet’s anxiety really showed.  Me, Julia and Louise sat at the front but Nick & Simon opted not to go front pew, which was fine. 

The visual tribute was lovely and really added a personal touch so I was glad that we had paid for this.  The service went without a hitch.  Louise recited the poem and Mike’s eulogy hit the right tone and I was glad he’d kept it real.  He also spoke very well.  The only thing I didn’t like was the tone of Jacqueline, the civil celebrant’s voice.  It was just plain weird and Sue she felt that she sounded insincere.

I was proud that I didn’t cry in the service, I did all my crying a couple of weeks ago, but Louise & Julia did and I could hear Nick sobbing behind me.  Everyone said how nice the service was so that was a big relief to me. We didn’t hang around for too long afterwards mainly because it was beginning to rain.   Ann, Janice & Pat had made a fabulous spread of food and did my mum proud. 

The wake went on for about 3 hours and the only word to describe it, is weird.  I was concerned that my brother Simon and his clan decided to go to the pub first instead of coming straight back from the crem but he actually only missed the first half an hour.  I’m guessing he thought it better to drink free drink rather than pay for it out of his own pocket.  I did have a conversation with him and his partner but I did keep a little distance because there was real potential for him to kick off.  Harriet & Billy did mingle but it was obvious they were uncomfortable.   It was interesting to talk to my nieces because I hadn’t ever seen them.  They were nice enough girls and told me they didn’t have a very good relationship with their dad which is hardly surprising given his history. 

Nick & Sonia brought my little nieces so that broke the ice a little bit.  I have never known a room so full of tension but thankfully it was all civilised.  Simon went off with his clan in a taxi and then we all set about clearing up.  Louise & Julia were brilliant and so were Sue & Phil.   When it was all done we left Pat, Janice & Pat with a glass of wine in their hand and then made our way to The Giffard.

It was just my sisters, me and Phil and Mike & Sue.   I was very glad it was all over.  It wasn’t a late night, I think everyone was exhausted.   Phil & I got a taxi with Sue as we were staying at her house but Julia & Louise walked back to our flat.  It wasn’t until the following morning when Phil dropped me back at ours that I learnt that they’d had quite an eventful night.  First problem was unlocking my front door, apparently it took them ages.  

They hadn’t been in bed long when they got a phone call from the hospital to say that my dad was very confused and was being violent.  Lou phoned Mark and he had the job of visiting dad in hospital at midnight.   Lou phoned and apparently Mark was able to calm dad but he said that he was very confused.  Poor dad was trying to oil the medicine trolley as he thought it was a car.  He also tried to stroke Mark’s foot because he thought it was a dog.  Not good.   Both sisters only got a couple of hours sleep when they awoke in a hot sweat, literally.  I’d turned the heating up and they were too hot.  Apparently they were opening windows and standing on my front steps trying to cool down.

I had a cup of tea with them and they left for Suffolk at just after ten.  After dropping me off, Phil drove to Melton to spend the day with his mum which left me home alone.  I thought with the funeral being over I would feel like my old self but I felt very flat and didn’t really know what to do with myself.  I ended up not doing very much at all which was a total waste of the day.  Sue popped in for a cup of tea on her way back from Matt’s and Phil got back not long after. Our evening was quiet, a Chinese take-away, X-factor and me falling asleep on the sofa.

We enjoyed the extra hour on Sunday morning, Phil got up to watch the Grand Prix but I stayed in bed reading my kindle.  I couldn’t be arsed even to go to the gym.  After the race we walked to Sue’s as she’d very kindly invited us for lunch.   I think her mission is to feed me up and she cooked roast chicken with all the trimmings.  More wine and music after lunch and a walk home with Phil holding me up. I had another hangover yesterday morning but I at least I did make it to the gym. 

Yesterday Phil went over to the caravan as he had to pay Dennis for doing some jobs for us.  He also had post to collect and he also wanted to check the vans after the high winds.  Fortunately they were both okay.   I did a few bits of paperwork but I really need to get my arse into gear today.  With the events of the last few weeks, things have been ignored.  I need to get my life back on track.