Phil’s mum had a melt down a few weeks ago; Phil
phoned her on the Monday and when he asked how she was, mum said that she felt
dizzy and sick when she went on the bus into town. I phoned on the
Tuesday to see if she was any better and she told me the depression was back,
no mention of feeling dizzy or sick. I think this is the grief; mum has good
days and bad days which are only to be expected. I realised when I put
the phone down that the day before was the anniversary of George passing 4
months before. Things went from bad to worse because on the Wednesday mum
to say that she had broken down on her scooter in the middle of the main
road. She couldn’t get it to start and a nice caring member of the public
ended up wheeling her and her scooter back to her bungalow. Poor mum was crying
so much on the phone that Phil struggled to understand what she was
saying. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Phil phoned
the mobility shop and they came out a couple of days later to pick up her
scooter for repair and left a temporary scooter until it could be fixed.
It’s hard to know how to help
Phil’s mum especially as she is of the old school, with a stiff upper lip and
she’s been brought up not to show, let alone, discuss her emotions. I
have suggested Prozac to see that if that can help the grey days but she takes so
many other pills each day that she doesn’t want to add to her dosage. I
went on line and found that Mind, the mental health charity, actually have an
office in Melton Mowbray and offer free grief counselling in the home but mum
didn’t seem interested. Another friend suggested that she go along to the
Widows group that meet up every Saturday; I thought that this would be a great
idea but mum said that she felt it was too soon. The trouble is that she
does need to help herself if she is going to survive but I do wonder if after
spending over 60 years married to someone, whether it is indeed possible to get
over the loss. I don’t know the answer to that but if mum is to have any
quality of life in her twilight years then she at least needs to give it a go.
We always intended to invite
mum to the caravan for one last weekend before the winter kicks in and when we
found out about the Bavarian evening we thought this was as good a weekend as
any and got 4 tickets. I got one for Sue because she’d broken up with Brian
and likes to be doing something on a Friday evening. Actually she likes
to be busy every evening but that’s another story.
I went down to Melton on the
Friday (20th of Sept)
to pick mum up. She was only staying for 2 nights but with all the bags
and the fussing you’d of thought she was staying for a week. Never mind,
we had soup and a roll at the bungalow and had a good run to the caravan
arriving about 2.30pm. Phil arrived at 4pm and Sue got to the park just
after 6pm. We had ham sandwiches for tea and I guess we got the club
house about quarter past seven. We had thought (wrongly) that the
Bavarian band would start at half seven but in actual fact it didn’t kick off
until 9pm. This was way past mum’s bedtime and mine for that matter but mum
stayed the course. The German evening turned out to be fun in a perverse
kind of way greatly aided by red wine I might add. Even though it was a
late night I think mum enjoyed herself. I will say that Paul and his team
put in much effort to ensure that the evenings are a success but if there was
one criticism I would make, it is that the bands start too late. A 7pm
start would be great, even 8pm is okay but 9pm is just too late.
Phil took mum shopping to
Lidl’s and Aldi’s on Saturday morning whilst Sue helped me to sort sheds.
It wasn’t a great day as it was cold and spitting with rain but we’d
accomplished what we set out to achieve by the time Phil and mum got back to
the van. Sue came with us to lunch at The Manor and then went back to MK.
In the afternoon Phil went for a siesta whilst mum and me caught up with the
soaps whilst I did a basket full of ironing. Unfortunately I had a
misfortunate accident after tea; I decided to sort out the garden
furniture. What a bad idea that turned out to be. I was wheeling
the Webber BBQ to the caravan next door when one of the legs pinged off giving
me a big bloody gash on my right heel. It hurt so much that it brought
tears to my eyes, but determined to move the bloody thing next door I carried
on only to have another leg ping off bashing me on the front of my foot.
It was at this point that I surrendered.
Unfortunately there wasn’t a
medical kit in the van and I ended up using shed insulation tape as a plaster.
I was a little bit concerned because I knew my tetanus wasn’t up to date so I
got up early on Sunday morning, packed my car and had every intention of going
to A&E in MK whilst Phil drove mum back to Melton. But I got
back to the flat and after a shower; I didn’t think my gash was too serious so
I decided to give A&E a miss. I had invited Harriet for lunch so I
got on with the roast dinner not really thinking about my injury even though it
hurt like crazy.
My foot was really sore and
swollen on Monday morning so I had no option but to stay at home and
potter. What I really should have done is to sit still and elevate my
foot but that’s just not me. On Tuesday morning my foot was even more
swollen but that didn’t stop me from going to the gym. Another bad move,
it took great effort to even get my trainer on and then when I eventually got
into the gym the only equipment that I could use without wincing was the cross
trainer. Full effort for trying though. I saw Sue for a cup of tea
in the afternoon and she was straight for taking me to the drop in centre but I
convinced her I would be fine.
Danielle came over first thing
on Wednesday morning to do my hair. She is such a nice girl. I
didn’t realise she’d done Harriet’s hair the night before. Anyway just as
she was blow drying me, I answered the telephone; not a big deal one might
think but on the other end of the line was my mum, yes that’s the mum that I
haven’t seen or spoke to for the last 20 years. It’s a bit of a story but
basically my sister has been telling me that my mum hasn’t been very well for
the last couple of years and recently she took a turn for the worse.
Anyway my sister Louise, who hasn’t seen my mum for 12 years decided to visit her
and it made me think that I should make my peace. So yes it was me that
made the first call and left a voice message.
I arranged to visit my mum the
following day in her sheltered housing flat. Sue very kindly offered to
drive me and wait outside because she guessed I would be a nervous wreck.
And she was right; beforehand I was a nervous wreck and was very glad of her
support. I did wonder whether I was doing the right thing but the minute
I walked in my mum’s flat and saw her walking on a frame as she came out of her
disabled toilet in her dressing gown, my fear dissipated. Don’t get me
wrong I was still anxious (very) but I was shocked by my mother’s appearance
and the extent of her disability. I hope I had some manners and hid my
shock but I am not sure I managed that. Of course, I expected some aging
in 20 years (21 to be exact) but she looked about 103.
My mum always liked to look
after herself; up until the last time I saw her, she looked after her figure,
loved nice clothes and always wore make-up when she went out. And I knew
that if she could have been physically able to make the effort for our reunion
last Thursday then she would have done. My mum was a sorry sight and I felt so
very sad for her because she was in great pain. I know I strive to be thin but
seeing her hobble on her five and a half stone frame was painful to
witness. I was a little worried to see that at 2pm she was drinking
cider and smoking fags but if you are in so much pain that you need a morphine
patch then I suppose you would take all the pain relief I could get. One
of the many issues I had with my mum before we fell out was her relationship
with alcohol but it was okay. It wasn’t emotional, there was no dwelling
in the past and to her credit, my mum actually tried to be funny and entertain
me. I don’t know how you catch up in an hour on 21 years and I don’t think we
did. It was a start and I felt that I had climbed a mountain. Thank god
for Sue being outside waiting for me, I felt emotionally drained when I left.
I still am not sure how I feel about my mum but the anger and
the hate has gone and this as a person makes me feel a lot better. I am
not sure how long my mum has left but I don’t think it is long. I hope
not long for her sake, she has no quality of life. Seeing my mum has
brought back lots of emotions, lots of memories, a mixed bag really and I
wonder where the last 20 years have gone.
God I am really letting it out
on this posting but you know what, blogging really is therapy for me. I
have been down in the lows for the last couple of weeks which is why I haven’t
blogged. Plus I really have bad computer problems. Already I have
written one thousand words and lost the lot. When you are at low ebb,
this kind of problem makes you lose the will to live. That sounds
dramatic I know but that’s me, totally over-the-top. Or is that, totally
over-the-hill. Maybe both!
I went to see mum in Melton on
Saturday, another 2 hour long boring journey. Mum was okay but she didn’t
want to do anything so it was a long boring day. Sunday was a chill out, a
rather pathetic gym session and then I went to lunch all by myself at the
Peartree Bridge carvery. This sounds very sad I know but Phil has put
himself on a very serious diet so I had no option. I could have eaten bean
curry but you know what, I really fancied a roast. After
lunch I limped round the city centre and bumped into our Harriet in
H&M. Billy was at work and Harriet was bored so she came back to the
flat after shopping. That was okay, it was impromptu which I like and it
was good to see her.
I haven’t been up too much this
week, mostly because of the ankle which 12 days in and I am still
limping. It’s been a pain and a reality check on how much you take your
mobility for granted. Makes me feel sympathy with the old folks. On
Monday morning we took Phil’s car in for a service on a Groupon offer in Fenny
Stratford which was a right pain in the arse. Phil’s boss called on
Monday evening to ask if he could come in for a meeting on Friday which meant
that he needed to work Wednesday until Friday.
Phil has decided to go on a diet big time. He has been
reading an awful lot recently on diet and nutrition and has come up with 2
diets that he is going to follow. He has been on the bean diet since last
Thursday, which is basically no carbs, bean curry, no beer, in fact no alcohol
and has stuck to it rigidly. I take my hat off to him, he has done really
well and I really hope the pounds slip off him when he weighs in on
Friday. I am cooking for myself and it’s been a bit like being single
because basically I can’t be arsed. But I am not complaining because I
haven’t been very good on giving up the wine in the week regime, and even being
disabled, I have lost 4 pounds. I am back down to 8 stone which at my age is
good enough for me. The foot is slowing healing and hopefully next week I
will be able to do proper workouts in the gym.
Yes sad I know, very sad. I really need to do something with my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment