A week doing death duties

And so the sadness continues.  I picked up a text on Monday morning while we were driving to Melton and it was from Sue to say that her dad has passed away in the early hours.  Poor Bill has really been suffering and he was not in a good way when I last saw him on Saturday afternoon so there was a little part of me that was relieved to learn that he was finally at peace.  He was certainly a character and I hadn’t known him in his glory days.  I felt for Sue though; she’d left the hospital at 2am to go home to catch us a couple hours sleep having been by his bedside for 22 hours solid.  She got home and hadn’t even got to bed when she got the call asking her to come back to the hospital.  Unfortunately she was too late as Bill had already passed away.  At least Sue’s dad has no more pain and really I do not know how much longer Sue could have watched her dad suffer.  Sometimes enough really is enough. 

Mum seemed okay when we reached the bungalow but this wasn’t to last long; although I’d written the eulogy and Phil had edited, I had to show it to mum to see if she was happy with what was going to be said at the service.  Mum doesn’t read so well so I read it out loud to her.  I nearly made it to the end before I started to bawl and this set her off. Sad news and tears all before half nine on a Monday morning, certainly not a good start to the week.

But I knew Monday would be tough and that we’d all have to get through as best we could.  I showed mum the montage boards which she seemed to like and she and I wrote some captions to accompany the photographs whilst Phil got stuck into some DIY.   In the few hours that she has been left alone since George died, Bet is certain that friends will come back to the house after the wake, and being very house-proud, she has decided that she wants the bungalow in tip top condition.  This is fair enough; things have been neglected since dad took ill and I thought a spring clean was a good idea.  It will give her something to focus on and I am also better with a project.  It can’t be said the same for Phil, which is a shame because most of the DIY jobs are ones that only he can do.

After the boards, mum and I had to choose a set of clothes to take into the funeral directors.  I had to smile to myself because she picked a very old pair of trousers and a shirt that had seen better days together with a zipped jumper which was all bobbly from washing.  George certainly had much better quality clothes in his wardrobe but I had to let Bet choose. Into the plastic bag went pants and socks and freshly polished slippers. 

After lunch we went to the council offices to register the death. This wasn’t too bad, we had all the necessary documentation and Phil answered all the questions on mum’s behalf and this worked quite well.  Well, as well as could be expected in the circumstances.   Our visit to the funeral directors to deliver the clothes and discuss the finer details wasn’t so easy.  We had ordered book marks instead of a formal order of service and had to decide on a verse.  I suggested the poem ‘Death is nothing at all’ by Henry Scott Holland and the lady in the office printed off the verse and gave it to mum to read.  This brought on more tears which was not really surprising given that it is quite sad to read. 

George wasn’t a religious man so we had decided to use a funeral celebrant instead of a vicar.  Tara came round at half past three and we all liked her.  Tara’s granddad was a prisoner of war like George so that gave us something in common.  We gave her the typed tribute for George which she skimmed through and we talked through the order of service.  When Tara left I drove back to MK leaving Phil behind to stay with mum.  It had felt like a very long day and I was knackered by the time I got back to MK.

I was awake very early on Tuesday morning and decided to stop off and pick up some stuff from the Oldbrook flat.  I was dismayed to see the gate was broken and 2 of the fence panels had blown down.  I also wasn’t happy to see that the downstairs tenant had parked in my parking space. Another crap start to the day.  I was in the gym before half seven and round at Rachel’s house for my hair appointment.  She did me some low lights which are okay but I am not so happy with the cut.  Never mind it will grow I guess.

I caught up with domestics and paperwork and finished the day having a cup of tea with Sue.  Poor girl, she’d just got back from registering her dad’s death and was pretty wrung out.   I find it a weird coincidence that Phil’s dad and her dad died within 4 days of each other.  Still, I suppose this means that we completely understand what the other is going through and can give the other support if the need arises.

Phil left Melton early on Wednesday morning and arrived back at the flat at quarter past nine in a foul mood. The journey home had taken him 2 hours; the only reason he’d come back in the morning was for a 10.20 am appointment with the doctor.  I made him a cup of tea and then took myself over to Sue’s as I’d promised her that I would go with her to the funeral directors in Newport.  She’d said she was happy to go by herself but I insisted on going along for moral support. Bill will be cremated at the Crownhill Crematorium on Friday the 31^st of May.

I had 2 appointments at the dentist in the afternoon, one with the dentist for a check-up and the other with the hygienist. The check-up was fine and I don’t need any treatment but apparently I have problem with pockets in my gums and need to have some deep cleaning.  I am going to have this done over 4 appointments, 1 each month. I could have it done in just one appointment but I am not that brave.  Wednesday dinner was a delicious salmon supper at Sue’s, with wine lots of.  I think the intention was to drown our sorrows and this we accomplished.

Phil has been busy in Melton sorting out not only the bungalow but also the financial side of his dad’s estate.  He and mum had to get papers signed at Lloyds, Melton Mowbray Building Society and Nationwide.  George had an ISA with Nationwide and Phil ended up having to get a solicitor to sign a form for Nationwide to release the ISA’s.  Thankfully, we do not have to complete probate.

Phil went back to Melton on Thursday morning.  He didn’t leave until after nine and apparently he had another nightmare journey.  I went to the gym and afterwards shopping for suitable funeral attire.  I found a little black dress in H&M and a black blazer which will do for dad’s funeral next Tuesday and Sue’s dad’s funeral service the following week.  Let’s hope these are the only 2 funerals this year that I will attend.

I feel a bit down today and had to drag myself out of my bed this morning.  I didn’t have the energy or the inclination to go the gym so I decided to give it a miss.  In fact I have done sod all today bar visiting Sue for a chat late morning.  I did take the Landrover to the garage for a valet but that’s about it.  I decided that I wasn’t going to blog first thing because I am very aware that my thoughts, which translate into blog posts are not only depressing, but also, are not very much fun to read at this moment in time. But writing this blog is cathartic and found myself drafting this afternoon without even thinking about what I was doing.  Hopefully life will brighten up soon and I will feel lighter, but if not, I may have no option but to take a blogging break.