George

It has to be said, that we have had a dreadful week. Tuesday started off okay, I was up at 5am, managed to write and publish a blog and was on the road to Melton just after 7am.  The traffic was awful in every direction and it took me over 2 hours to get to mum and dad’s bungalow.   I arrived to find both mum and dad in a dreadful state.  Poor Bett was both physically and mentally exhausted, over the last 6 weeks George’s mobility has deteriorated and the physical exertion of looking after him has taken its toll.   It didn’t help that George was suffering from sickness and diarrhoea which meant lots of effort getting him of out his chair and onto the loo.

George looked dreadful; his legs and tummy were swollen with water and he couldn’t get comfortable in his chair.  I took mum for a quick shopping trip to Tesco’s and then called the surgery and asked from a home visit from the doctor.  Bett was reluctant for me to make the call because she was worried that the doctor would send him back to the hospital.  I decided to take the risk.

The doctor came out just after we’d cleared away lunch and was very good. He examined George thoroughly and then asked if there was somewhere we could talk privately.  We went into the main bedroom, the doc sat on the bed, mum sat on the commode and I sat on the stool under the hairdryer.  I sensed that what he was going to tell us wouldn’t be good news and I was right.  Basically he told mum & me that George’s heart was failing and that his organs were shutting down. He asked if we had discussed ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ with George.  Nobody had mentioned this to us before and it was the mention of this that made mum realise that George was actually dying and would not recover.  She sobbed her little heart out in the bedroom and it was all I could do to keep it together for her sake.

The doctor tried to talk to George about being resuscitated should he have a heart attack but George was too confused to give him an answer; in the end the doctor signed the form on his behalf.  I have to say the doctor that came out was brilliant with both mum and dad.  The doctor said he was going to arrange for the MacMillan team and the District Nurses to visit. He also asked me to go to the surgery later in the afternoon to collect end of life injections which I duly did before I left Melton.

After the doctor left, mum was very upset and I had no choice but to have a very frank conversation with her.  I felt very guilty waving her goodbye when I left to go home.  Of course I had to fill Phil in with the events of the day and we agreed that he should visit before the end of the week.  The worry of George & Bett stayed with me all the following day and I couldn’t summon the energy for anything.  I did manage a half-hearted workout at the gym and dropped off a few bits and pieces for the OB flat but it was all an effort.  Really I should have got on with the glossing at the flat but I just couldn’t be arsed.  Most unlike me.  Sue had been at the hospital with her dad for most of the day and we decided that we wouldn’t get together for our usual Wednesday night rendezvous.  This was probably a good decision because I don’t think I would have been very good company.

I felt more my usual self on Thursday and had a good workout at DW.  I walked back into the flat mid-morning to find Phil on the phone to his mum.  She had called in floods of tears to tell Phil that dad was being sick and was making funny noises with his breathing.  Phil called the District Nurse who said that she would go round as soon as possible.  We phoned mum back and then waited.  In hindsight, we should have packed a bag and drove to Melton there and then but we didn’t.  Sometime before midday we phoned to see if the District Nurse was there and thankfully she was but it wasn’t good news. The nurse told Phil that he needed to get there as soon as possible.

I decided to stay behind and I was grateful that Sue, on a brief break from visiting her dad in hospital, popped round for a cup of tea.  She was there when I took the call from Phil to tell me that his dad had died at 1pm.  It’s funny, I knew that George’s days were numbered but it came as a shock to hear that he’d passed. The sad thing is, that Phil was too late, there was an accident on the M1 and he didn’t get to the bungalow until half one.  It was a godsend that the District Nurse was there with Bett and able to give George an injection of morphine and also an injection to ease the congestion so that that when dad died, he was not in any pain.  The nurse stayed until Phil arrived and was the one to break the news to Phil, she also called the doctor out.

Of course as soon as Phil phoned, I packed a bag and drove to Melton.  The undertaker was there when I arrived and George had already been collected and taken to the funeral parlour or wherever they take the deceased.  Naturally mum was very upset and I don’t think it helped seeing her husband of more than 60 years being carried out in a body bag.

Phil & mum made tea and tried to make light of everything but it was strange not having dad sat in his chair.  Whilst tea was cooking, I did what Claire does best; I made a list of things to do for the funeral arrangements.  I wasn’t looking forward to sleeping in dad’s double bed which was probably why we didn’t go to bed until nearly midnight.  I slept but was up before 6am.  Phil’s mum wasn’t far behind me and whilst she was in the shower, I went for a run round the block. I needed to clear my head.

Yesterday was busy, Phil phoned family and friends to let them know about George and I typed letters on my laptop.  We couldn’t get an appointment to register the death at the town hall until Monday, but we did get to the building society to get a cheque for the funeral directors and we also went to The Bowls Club to book a room and a buffet for the wake.  The funeral will take place on Tuesday the 21^st of May in the afternoon.

Phil made lunch although Phil’s mum hardly ate anything. I worry that if left by herself she won’t bother with food.  In the afternoon, Phil got the photographs down from the attic and we had a happy couple of hours talking about days gone by.  I came home last night leaving Phil to ‘mum’ sit.  He is spending the day with her and coming home tonight.  Then we are back to Melton on Monday.

I got up early this morning to write George’s eulogy; I had almost finished it then my computer crashed and I lost the whole document, because stupidly, I hadn’t saved it.  I have just finished it for the second time and now I feel doubly sad.  However, there is no time to feel sad or sorry for myself because I have a mountain of jobs to do.  I think keeping busy at this moment in time is a good plan.