Family & Fireworks

A lot seems to have happened since I last posted; Halloween, the beginning of a new month and bonfire night.  I wish I could report that November has put me in a good place but alas it has not.  Seeing my mum again, her dying, arranging her funeral, seeing lost relatives and I still have a ball of tension lying in the pit of my stomach.  I kind of thought this would go after the funeral but it hasn’t.  If anything, it’s like the opening of Pandora’s Box, so many memories that are mostly all bad. 

I think for self-preservation, these boxes might have been better kept tightly shut but too late for that now. I did wonder whether I ought to book myself into The Campbell Centre but I have too much to do in November and well, for most of December we are going to be away.  The nervous breakdown will have to be put on hold until 2014.  I say this tongue in cheek you understand. 

Before she died, my mum said that the residents at Permayne Sheltered Housing fell into two categories, witches or bitches.  I didn't think much of that at the time but these last few days I have wondered what category I would put her in, and the answer to that is both. I know from Sue & Christine that there are many stages to grief, anger being one of them.  I feel angry with my mum; not only was she a super bitch and witch, she was also an alcoholic social psychopath.  Sorry but it’s true.

Last Monday I met Bob-the-slob (step dad no 3) at the city centre so he could give me £200 towards the funeral.  We had arranged that he would actually give me this on the day of the funeral itself but he didn’t.  This, I think this was part of a plan to meet up with me again and so very typical of him playing games.  Phil was cross with me meeting him, he said we didn’t the 200 quid that badly but I had to face my demons and actually the rendezvous wasn’t too difficult.  I got my money.

My dysfunctional family has been very much on my mind; after the funeral sent Facebook friend requests to my nieces, my brother and his wife, which have all been accepted.  It seemed the right way forward at the time but now I am not so sure.  I have made arrangements to meet up with Sonia on Thursday and nieces Emma & Louise on Friday.  My eldest brother (ex con) has phoned a couple of time and the conversations have not gone well.  Thankfully I have not given out my address and no one has my landline. 

Seeing family has screwed me up and I do wonder whether I really do want them in my life?  I shall meet up and see how it goes this week and go from there. Shame you can choose your friends but not your family.

On Wednesday evening Jan & Sue came round for supper.  Jan brought me the most beautiful flowers along with chocolate truffles and wine of course.  It wasn’t a late night, I am being a bit of a light weight at the moment plus Jan had to work the next day.  Sue also had to be on the road by 8am so this was fine.

On Thursday afternoon I met up with Emma, my next door neighbour in Rothersthorpe.  It’s ridiculous that I hadn’t seen her in months, especially as she is quite literally, only down the road.  It was nice to see her and the children Tegan & Kai.  I had to laugh because Kai said hello Aunty Claire when I walked in which was quite cute, although I did joke to Emma that I have already got more than nieces and nephews in my life at the moment.  We had a good catch up with gossip from the cul-de-sac.  It always gets to me when I go back there, which is rarely, because we had some good times living at no 11.

Mike picked me up on midday on Friday and we went to have lunch with Janice & Ann, friends of my mum’s.  We met them at Permayne then walked to The New Inn for lunch.  I hadn’t been in this pub for years, the food wasn’t brilliant but it was good to catch up with Ann & Janice, if not a bit surreal.  Phil went to visit his mum in Melton and was staying with Steve in Loughborough on Friday evening so I was home alone.  This was fine, didn’t do anything, just watched some telly and talked to myself.

I picked up Sue from her house at half seven on Saturday morning as she was catching a train to Southampton where she was spending the weekend with Ian.  She was excited and a little nervous.  Afterwards I went back home and went back to bed with my Kindle but was up and dressed when Phil got back to the flat at half ten.  He said he’d had a good night; he and Steve had gone to a tamla motown gig at the county hall which Phil said was just like old times.  Phil was very hung-over and was asleep in the chair within an hour of being home.  I left him snoring and went to the gym.  It was such a miserable day, I wasn’t too sure what to do for lunch but in the end I picked up a Chinese takeaway from the Giffard local centre.  The rest of the afternoon was spent chilling, films and sweeties.

We had planned to walk to the city centre on Sunday and watch a film but then Georgina phoned and said she was home for the weekend and had a few hours spare to see us.  We met her at The Navigation in Stoke Bruerne.  The pub was packed; we all had the roast dinner which was okay.  At least it gave us a chance to catch up with G and all of her student life.  We also made a date for her to see Grandma at Christmas.

Yesterday was a bit of a lost at sea day and I didn’t achieve much.  I phoned Harriet to see how she got on in Limmerick with Billy and his family.  She said it was good, they didn’t really get any time to themselves but it gave her chance to bond with Billy’s family.  Harriet said that Billy and his family are all very family orientated which is nice, makes a change from our dysfunctional lot!

Sue came back from Southampton yesterday and I picked her up just after two.  It was straight back to her house for tea and a big debrief.  She had a brilliant time and she came back tired but very happy.  It was nice to see her, I only stayed an hour because had to do her unpacking and sort out stuff for what sounds like a busy week ahead.

I really do need to get stuff sorted this week, namely I need to get my Christmas head on.  I also need to go over and sort the caravan out.  Things are already in the diary for the rest of this week but the caravans are definitely on the agenda for next week, as is Christmas shopping.  I know you shouldn’t wish your life away but roll on December is all I can say…………..