Flat as a pancake

I did warn everyone that if my doom and gloom mood didn’t improve then I would be taking a blogging break.  Well that time came I’m afraid.  I have felt as flat as a pancake; everything seems grey with no sunshine on the horizon.  Even though we have had a good deal of the yellow stuff, I see everything as black and white at the moment, there is no colour in my life.  I did wonder whether it was all to do with George passing but if I am honest, which I am, although I respected him, we were not that close.  I think his death was the catalyst and my downer is due to a build-up of life’s general shit which has built over the last couple of years. Things that, at the time, didn’t deem to bother me but in retrospect I think they did.

The starting point I think was the shock diagnosis of prostate cancer 2 years ago for Phil.  Cancer happens to other people right?  Wrong.  Phil was fortunate that he was diagnosed in the early stages and his cancer hadn’t spread but the daily radiotherapy treatment wasn’t easy, especially for Phil and coping with the side affects afterwards affected the both of us.  After that came the selling of no 11.  I knew that it made financial sense because it allowed us to clear out debts but I loved that house and it was a wrench.  The caravan was a novelty at first but I’m afraid that soon wore off, I grew tired quite quickly of the 52 mile drive to and fro to MK and also I felt isolated from everyone.  I wasn’t sorry at all to move into Sue’s when the shutdown came round in January.

At the end of January we moved Phil’s mum and dad into the bungalow which was probably more stressful for us than it was for them.  It took a few months to get them sorted and things to their liking and although almost finished, the bungalow is still work in progress.  We didn’t have long to rest on our laurels when Aunt Daphne died and we not only had her funeral to deal with but all the shit with the FA and the handyman, which as you all know is still on-going some 13 months later.  All the legal stuff made me feel ill and I’m afraid I had to ask Phil to deal with it by himself as it was stressing me out.  All the legal wrangling’s took their toll on him (and continue to do so) and of course, only natural that Phil took his anger and frustrations out on me.  At least it has felt like that, he may beg to differ.

Early June saw us get possession of the GP flat after it being tenanted for 10 years.  It was a mess but it turned out to be a long and difficult project which it shouldn’t have been given that it was only a one bedroom flat.  Unfortunately most of the work was jobs that only Phil could do and he struggled with the physical side.  Anyway we got the refurb done in the end and I was pleased with the end result.  I am happy living here don’t get me wrong but living in virtually 2 rooms, well it can be claustrophobic at times.  Especially when you remember that it’s actually smaller than the caravan.  Aside from getting replacement stairs just before Christmas, we did experience a quieter couple of months until George became unwell.  The rest is recent so I won’t dwell on it too much but the aftermath of George passing is the worry about Phil’s mum.

Daily phone calls to Betty bring daily dilemmas which she seems unable to deal with.  We are averaging 2 visits per week but I am not sure how long we are going to be able to sustain this.  Phil went last Friday and took her to a mobility shop in Melton where she purchased a brand new scooter.  She was thrilled with this and was out and about on it the second it was delivered last Friday evening, but this was short-lived when it almost blew up whilst it was on charge in the garage on Saturday evening.

My urge at the moment is to hide away from the world but I haven’t as yet taken to my bed.  On Wednesday night I was out in Stony Stratford with Sue for the live music.  On Friday me and Sue met Jan at the OU for lunch and then we ended up painting fence panels at the OB flat.  Boy was it hot work.  On Saturday I went to the gym, cooked chicken salad for lunch and then we had a slob out afternoon.  Sunday was pretty laid back too; we didn’t get up until midday and only then because we had arranged to meet Billy & Harriet at The Giffard for a last lunch before they went on holiday.  The food was better quality than normal at our local but we had to wait ages for it to be served.  After lunch it was back to the flat for a movie and then the Grand Prix.

Yesterday I was up early and on the M1 to Melton by half past seven.  Traffic was bad and it took me   almost 2 hours.  I took mum to Grantham to see Auntie Phyllis for coffee and this was followed by shopping in Aldi’s and then lunch in a non-descript pub on a roundabout on the way back to Melton.  Another nightmare 2 hour journey on the way home but other than that all in all quite uneventful.  I have thought long and hard about giving up this blog, I know I have had my wobbles over the last 6 six years but none like this one.  I am aware that I have lost my mojo and so apologise in advance that if my postings are a bit sporadic.  However all is not lost and I leave you in the very capable care of Phil.  He always seems to have a million things to share with the world.