May Phil

We managed to get home alright from our holiday in Corfu which seems a long time ago already.  I know that we both keep harping on about not being suited for All Inclusive holidays and then going on another one but this was very enjoyable.  If we had been self catering and traveling all over the island we would have seen more but I wouldn't have gone out as much in the evenings.  Also it would have cost twice as much and I wouldn’t have booked it in the first place.

What made it for me was meeting Shane and Holly.  We weren't in each others pockets and only had one day together on the quad bikes but we did meet up most evenings for one or three.

During our journey back I had an email from Rexam so I went in to see them when I got home.  They are in exactly the same position as last time I saw them.  They still haven't had the software loaded onto my new machine.  The other problem is that they are upgrading the operating system for all machines.  this has to be done simultaneously so that they are all reading and writing the same version at the same time.  Of course, my new machine already has the new operating system so they need to upgrade the others first anyway.  My boss has been getting some stick from his bosses because it still hasn’t been done yet and he has been given two weeks.  To be honest its not all his fault because software can only be loaded by an administrator.

My mum was pleased to see us back and had a few jobs lined up for me.  Because dad is ill she can’t even open her tablets from the multipack or a new bottle of lemonade.  I have to open her tablets into a jar for the following week.  We are a little disappointed with the home help because dad hasn’t been given a shower since he was in hospital.

Jim’s Shirley went to Australia to visit Dan and Kylie for a couple of weeks while Jim was away on business in georgia.  Shirley went first so Jim came over for Sunday lunch while the Spanish GP was on BBC.  It worked well because the GP had finished when Harriet came around and we all had lunch together.  However, it looks like Jim has been delayed in Georgia and wont be back until the beginning of June.

Sue managed to get away for her holiday, even though her dad wasn’t so good when she left with Brian.  Trouble is they had two weeks booked so it wasn’t likely that they would manage to get both weeks in Fueteventura.  In fact they only managed a few days when her dad was admitted to hospital again so they decided to fly back via Lanzarote.

Because the weather has been so poor so far this year, it was May before we managed to stay at our caravan.  We had planned to stop Friday to Monday but the weather turned and we got a flat back at Oldbrook so we only stayed overnight Friday and came back on Saturday.  Two days around the flat saw it finished as they had left it pretty good.  This is the last flat we have managed by Morgans and we handed it over to Prestige on Tuesday morning.  Adam, the co-founder of Prestige used to work for Morgans and was our main contact.  Once he left we didn't get the service we had been used to so it was natural to swap over as each one came available.  We had a walk around the lakes for the first time this year and noticed that they have a fountain in the middle of the first lake.  When we walked around the second one we could see that they have two around it.  They have also put two Site Manager scarecrows adjacent to one fountain.  I guess that this is to scare away the campers.

By the morning of 9th May my Mum called in tears saying that Dad was making some funny noises.  I phoned the district nurse, had a shower and packed an over night bag.  I rang again and spoke to the district nurse at Mum’s house and she told me things weren't good and I should come as soon as possible.  I left immediately but was held up on the M1 with an accident that had only recently happened.  Two police cars came past on the hard shoulder while we were queuing behind it and we slowly moved past it.  It was two lorries and a car, I was only held up by 15 to 20 minutes because I was so close to it.  I arrived at Melton to find that Dad had passed away a few minutes earlier.

I spend most of the rest of May with my Mum in Melton making arrangements for the funeral and sorting out finances with Claire.  I dashed back to MK now and then to get fresh clothes and put out fires.  Mum has taken it better than I could have imagined but she wasn’t so good on the days she was alone.  She is 82 and went straight from living with her Mum to getting married so she hasn’t ever been on her own before.  The only time was when Dad went to Germany for his Fathers funeral and I was with her then.  Claire and I passed our time by doing lots of jobs around Mum’s bungalow and its not far from where she wants it now.  We haven't had the conversation yet but it seems that she wants to try and live there on her own to start with.

A few days after my Dad died, when we registered his death, Sue rang to say that her Dad had died earlier that day on 13th May.  Poor Sue had been by her dads side almost non stop since he had been taken to hospital.  She had hardly slept and so finally went home for a couple of hours at 2am.  No sooner had she got home but had a call from the hospital to say that he had passed away shortly after she had left.  Poor Sue, and her Dad suffered terribly at the end.  At least my Dad said he was in no pain, although sometimes he looked as though he was.  It has been two years since Sue’s husband Alan passed away which was also in May.  Sue is still having tests for her problems, but all the signs are good for her health.  Lets hope that finally She can now begin the slow process of rebuilding her life.  I have scheduled this entry to publish on the last day of the month because we will be at Sue’s Dads funeral.

Dad’s funeral was held on 21st May at Grantham Crematorium and we had the Wake back in Melton at the Bowls Club which seemed to be the only place they would go out in later life.  Unfortunately, Georgina had her first exam the day before Dad’s funeral and her second on the day followed by her third two days later.  She tried to change the date but they could only delay it until next year which would mean that she failed this year.  Not an option as this year goes towards 45% of her degree.  The funeral went really well and everyone spoke of how nice the service was.  The Wake was actually enjoyable as we could catch up with lots of relatives that we haven't seen since the last funeral.  I have promised everyone that I will take Mum to visit them all when things have sorted themselves out.

We have had another miserable month weather wise with the rain hardly stopping for breath.  Steve Pemberton, who’s 60th Birthday we went to back in late February.  Maddy, his wife had bought him 2 tickets for Eric Clapton that was on Friday 24th May at the Royal Albert Hall.  Maddy didn’t want to go so I had the honor of going with Steve for the day.  The tickets were £85 each so it was like my Birthday as well.  Although I used to go to concerts and pop festivals as a youth, visiting Reading Festival 7 years in a row, I somehow missed Eric the first time around so was looking forward to it.  We bought Steve a satnav and a meal at Simpsons on the Strand on the same day as Eric and Groupon vouchers for the London car Museum to pass the rest of the day away.  Thats the sort of presents I like buying people, ones I can go on as well.  Although it rained all day and we got wet now and then we had a great day with a fabulous meal at Simpsons.  I hadn’t realized on my previous visits there but its the restaurant for the Savoy next door.  Eric looks like he has lost a bit of weight but he’s not lost it.  They played about 5 or 6 songs with electric guitar then he sat down with an acoustic for a few songs and finished back on his feet again.  Poor old sod needed a rest; but I guess he is 68 years old now.  Its the first time I have been to the Royal Albert Hall and I was very impressed with the lighting, sound and acoustics.

We have been going to the nags Head on a Wednesday night now for ages but the last week in May we had several Morris dancers turn up for a drink.  More and more came in until it became apparent that there were two groups and they all assembled outside in the car park where they had a Morris dance off.  They finished and came back in the pub for refreshments and then all started playing and singing.  There were 5 piano accordions, drums, whistle, guitar and bagpipes.  Amazing, all these years I have been going in pubs and have never encountered people playing piano accordions before.  My Dad used to play the piano accordion and the very same week we have his funeral we get 5 all at once.

The following day on Saturday 24th Claire went to pick up Mum and took her to the caravan as the weather had turned.  I picked up georgina, who had a 10 day break before her next exam and we met them there.  Harriet came over to Overstone Manor for lunch with us and we had a nice day.  We also stayed Sunday night and I took Mum back on the Monday.  Sue came over for the day on Sunday and we had a loverly roast at the Club house where Mum and Sue ordered the child's portion which was still too big to finish.  We didn’t realize that adults could order this so we might have the same next time because we never manage to finish ours either.  I need to do something about my weight as I just seem to be constantly creeping upwards.  Nothing seems to stop me eating like most other people; whenever Im ill, I eat more.  If Im sad, I eat more.  I cant think of anything that makes me eat less, except maybe exercise which I have not been getting much of lately.  There lays my answer.

We applied for Attendance allowance for both Mum and Dad earlier and Mum had a letter at the end of the month saying that she has qualified which was a bit of a surprise to her.  As she will be loosing the Lion’s share of Dad’s Petfood’s pension she will probably need it, especially as she cant do all the things she used to be able to do.  Its been so long since Mum drove a car that she is not confident any more and her legs are so painful she wouldn't be able to press the clutch anyway.  She cant walk any distance at all so she’s a bit stuck at the moment.  She has her old neighbor Joan who takes her to Tesco’s every Thursday and to the doctors if she needs to and we visit to take her places as well, but its not the same as being independently mobile.  We need to try her on one of those mobile scooters to see how she gets on with those.  Daphne wanted Mum to have her new one but of course her little helpers seem to have helped themselves to that along with everything else in her house and the house itself.  I will update you a little more regarding Daphne’s estate next month.  I hate to wish my time away, but I am looking forward to the end of this month; roll on June!

George

George Richard Krause born 23rd December 1925 in Reichau Germany.  The youngest child of Richard Heinrich Krause and Martha Emma Krause (Ne Drossel).  His sister Clara already dead but his brother Willi is 90 and still alive.  Remarkable really as he was a medic in WWII and was shot in the leg by an exploding bullet which erupted in 5 tears.  He was told that he must have it amputated else he would die.  Willi chose death rather than to be an invalid and reliant on others for the rest of his, probably short life.  He is still living and walking around as well or better than any one else of his age.  Understandably, this has left him with a deep mistrust of doctors.  A little knowledge is a dangerous thing but it seems to have worked for Willi.

George’s father Richard Heinrich was one of 4 children born to Karl Heinrich Krause and Karaline Luise Krause (Ne Aust).  His eldest brother Adolf married in Reichau into a 70 acre smallholding while his sister Mina also married into a smallholding in Rot Neudorf, 2km away.  His eldest sister Martha married a civil servant and was the first one to get a share of the inheritance, 10,000 Marks.  In 1914, Richard inherited his fathers house where he was already post master.  After the first World War in 1918, Richard took over the post office again.  He bought another 18 acres of land and 10 acres of ploughing fields.  In 1922 he arranged for electricity to be brought into the village.  Between 1922 and 1935 he rented out the pub and post office.  For several years he was church warden and between 1929 and 1933 he was registrar for several villages.  He then became Burgomaster (Mayer) and got the roads surfaced around Reichau.  From 1935 to 1945 he took over the shops and pub again.  The shops sold everything that was needed for the villagers from clothes, food, toys, drugs etc.  Following the Second World War they had to leave everything to the Polish and could only carry away a few things.  They were put in a camp for refugees in East Germany. They later moved to Martha’s sisters apartment in Berg, Hoyerswerta where they both worked in the forest until 65 years old and they were allowed back into the West again.

George’s mother, Martha Drossel worked and lived on a farm after leaving school at 14.  When she was 16, she moved to Reichau to work for Richard’s Mother, Karaline Luise where she had good food and a nice room.  She eventually married Richard.

George’s paternal Grandfather, Karl Heinrich Krause lived at 24 Dorfstrasse in Reichau where he doubled the size of the house on the left side.  This became the shop which was 8m long with two counters.  He also sold clothes, materials and food from a covered wagon drawn by two horses.  The original building on the right became the pub and general stores.  The smallholding he increased by 18 acres where he built a barn and stables for pigs and cows.  Immediately behind the barn, by the lake, was the brewery and a brick built well for drinking water.  Behind this was a 3 acre orchard with apples, pears, plums, cherries and sweet grapes.  On the right side of the barn he built 2 houses which he rented out.  On the right side of the shop he built a flat roofed building where his son Richard was post master for 18 years.  Karl’s brother, who lived in Schmitzdorf about 200m lower than Reichau, also sold everything around the villages from a horse drawn wagon.  He also bought things from people on his travels around the villages and sold them in the towns.

George’s paternal grandmother Karaline Luise (normally known as Luise) came from Raatz which was about 2km away from Karl’s house.  If he stood on the hill (Lerchenberg) behind his house you could see the village of Raatz.  Luise was a pretty girl with dark brown curly hair and when she was 20 she married Karl.  Reichau with a church stood in the middle of 7 small villages.    A Baron from Burgsdorf who lived in a castle near the Krause’s house, sold Karl 7 acres of land.  In return, Karl paid 7 parts corn to the Parson and 2 parts to the teacher.  He also suppled them with wood.The church tower was renovated in 1942, where the big copper dome was placed on top.  Inside the dome was kept all the documents from the surrounding farm owners.  I wonder if the Polish ever found them?

George’s maternal grandfather Julius Drossel, one of 7 children, worked in Jordansmuhl in a steam mill as a carpenter.  He worked long hours and walked to work in the dark and walked home in the dark.  He earned 10 Marks a week.  All his life he lived in a very small rented house near Zoptenberge where his six siblings also lived.  Although Zoptenberge was 45km from Reichau, you could see it on a clear day.  If Zoptenberge looked blue you could expect rain but if it looked grey you wouldn’t need your umbrella.  The children would go out into the fields after the harvest to collect the remains of the corn and potatoes.  They also worked in the kitchen garden, fed the chickens and rabbits and collected wood from the forest.  His brother Herman, wore his shoes out so quickly, he learned the cobbler trade.  Gustav and Otto were the youngest and learned carpentry.  All three brothers joined the army during the First World War.  After the war there were no jobs so Gustav and Herman collected scrap iron with a hand cart.  Later though, they found a job in a farm in Petriksch, Nimptsch. Gustav worked as a carpenter on the farm while Herman worked with machinery and made shoes in his spare time.  The farmer built new family houses for the workers with electric and running water.  Gustav’s house was near the forest and had 96 bee hives.  He built a big shed where he kept 3 or 4 pigs, goats, 20 chickens and 100 rabbits.  Later, both boys got married and their wives worked on the farm.  Although they did not earn much money, they did get corn, potatoes and milk free so they did not go hungry, like most other people.  Herman lived at the side of the castle and was allowed to keep goats and pigs.  He also sold drinks to fellow workers.  He had a centrifuge to separate the milk from the cream.  He sold the butter that he made from the cows but they ate the butter that he made from the goats.  In the 15 years that Gustav worked on the farm he saved 30,000 Marks, just before the Second World War he bought a shop and a pub.  Of course, this too was lost to the Polish following the war.

George did his apprenticeship as a butcher from the age of 14 to 17 following which he was called up into the German Army during the Second World War for training in signals doing Morse code.  George didn’t know it then, but this would be the last time that he would live in his family home.  He wouldn’t even see it again for another 60 years when his son Philip and his wife Claire would take them over in 2009.  These were tough times for the Krause family left in their home as they were given just 2 hours to collect and carry what they could in the middle of the winter to become refugees and never to see their home again.  George’s mother, Martha kept the family alive with her insect and nettle soup.  Rape was rife around this time, especially with the Russians around so the family gave Klara (Georges sister) the little money they had and packed her off to live with an Aunt.  Klara and Georges’ brother Willi, recovering from his bullet wound managed to stay in West Germany while the rest were taken behind the iron curtain.

George, in his platoon, travelled around Belgium and France, digging his hole to put his signaling equipment.  It wasn’t long before the rest of George’s platoon were all killed leaving him as the only survivor hiding in his signaling hole.  he lived off the land for 4 days digging up potatoes and stealing from farms then found another German unit but they were more interested in the local women than their own men.  As far as George was concerned, this was the end of the war for him; from now on he would look after himself.  He found a British unit and gave himself up.  He was very pleased to get de-loused and to eat some proper food again.  He was imprisoned locally and then taken to Wales to a prisoner of war camp until the war had ended.

Following the war, they selected the 5 most trust worthy prisoners to work on a farm in Buckminster, Leicestershire.  George, with his farming background was selected as one of these.  George met Betty Childs, a land girl working on the same farm and living in the same village and they were married in 1951.  Each prisoner was given 40 Marks to go back to Germany where they could decide wether to stay there or come back to England.  George found his brother and helped him best he could.  Willi told him that if he had food and shelter, to go back to England as they were all starving over there.  With nowhere to stay, George returned to the farm in England.  The farm job came with a cottage once Bet and George were married but they earned very little so it was a struggle to save enough to live outside and get a better paid job.  George managed to find a butchers job in Melton Mowbray that came with a flat but the butchers soon closed down leaving George and Bet homeless.  A German friend of George’s, Horst Langer, found an old cottage near Scalford, that they could rent in turn for help during busy times and the harvest.  George worked in Holwell works for a while but hated coming home covered in black soot.  It wasn’t long before he got a job as a process worker at Chappie’s which later became Pedigree Petfoods where he worked for almost 30 years.  George and Bet saved hard and George would cycle to work rather than use petrol in his motor bike.  The cottage had no electric or gas.  Nor did it have running water, so Bet had to draw water from an outside well, light a fire and heat some water before they could even have a wash.  This wasn’t too bad while they were young and on their own but in 1955 when their only son Philip was born they looked for alternative accommodation.  Bettie’s cousin, Daphne took leave and came to stay and help Bet after she had given birth, for two weeks.  She later told Philip that she didn’t know how the pair of them managed to keep him alive as neither of them had a clue about babies, especially in such grim conditions.  When Philip was 6 months old, george and Bet had saved enough to buy a terraced house in Doctors Lane, Melton Mowbray, where they lived until Philip was 14.

It was 1958 when George finally got to see his parents and other family again following their retirement and release from behind the Iron curtain.  The family made the trip on Georges motorbike as he had bought a second hand sidecar where Bet and toddler Philip sat.  Although Philip was little and only turned 3 while they were in Germany, he can still remember the horrible, plastic window, leather and fuel smell that made him sick inside the sidecar all the way there.  Georges parents, Richard and Martha came to visit George twice while they lived in Doctors Lane.  George, Bet and Philip drove over to Germany every year to visit his family until they died.  George worked extra shifts whenever he could but still managed to teach Philip how to play chess using the hand carved set that he had made from old floorboards whilst he was a prisoner of war.

When Philip was 14, they all moved into a detached house with a large garden where George cut down all the trees and planted, apples, pears, plums and cherries.  They lived there until January 2012 when they moved into a bungalow just down the road.  George had got progressively ill following this move.  He visited hospital where he underwent investigation where they found that he had a large cancer on his right kidney.  His heart was very weak and he had already had two small strokes so the doctors decided that he had a better chance of living longer without treatment.  George died peacefully of heart failure on 9th May 2013 in bet with Bet beside him where she had been for well over 60 years.  Philip arrived a few minutes later thanks to an accident on the motorway.  George died with no pain as presumably, the cancer had not grown sufficiently to cause him pain before he died.  Rest in peace George Richard Krause.

George once told Philip that just prior to the Second World War starting, his father recognizing the signs from the First World War, hid sacks of grain in the barn and buried three milk churns full of old German coinage between the cherry trees in his garden.  Two large churns were filled with solid silver German coins whilst one small one was filled with gold coins.  George didn’t think they would be worth much because they all had the Swastika sign on them.  I wonder if the Polish ever found the Krause family buried treasure?

Life goes on

The past week has not been an easy one.  Last Saturday morning I woke up with a swollen eye, I knew straight away that my edema was back.  Not just back but back with vengeance.  Phil had stayed in Melton with his mum and would have stayed until Saturday teatime but he had to come back for an appointment at www.webuyanycar.com in Bletchley.  I don’t know if I have mentioned it in the blog but Phil’s mum wanted Phil to have dad’s Peugeot 306 estate car.  Although the car is 10 years old it’s only got 40,000 on the clock.  We have been wanting to get rid of the Land Rover for ages, we haven’t been able to sort the engine mechanical system failure and also it costs a fortune to fill up with fuel.

Anyway Phil got back, had a shower and we drove over to Water Eaton for our 11am appointment. It was unfortunate that we were a little early and the guy was a little late.  I had got an on-line valuation on our landrover for £4,500 which Phil & I both thought was great.  Unfortunately I messed up with the wrong registration; the guy that inspected the Landrover thought that we were bringing a Discovery. He valued the Land Rover at £13,000 which we didn’t accept.  It was a bit of a wasted morning.

Lunch was fish and chips from The Brothers fish shop.  I wasn’t feeling great and as such we had a quiet Saturday afternoon and evening.  Sue had invited us for Sunday lunch and as it was such a beautiful day we decided to walk to Newport Pagnell.  It only took us just over half an hour.  Sue cooked roast beef with all the trimmings and afterwards served raspberry tart with ice cream followed by cheese and biscuits.  Afterwards, we sat in the garden drinking wine and the hours soon passed.  It was gone 9 by the time we got back to the flat.  We hadn’t planned to stay so long at Sue’s but we had a good time and I think it did Phil good to get out.

Heads were a little fuzzy on Monday morning and we were running on the late side.  Just a good job that I had packed our case the day before. Just before we left the flat, Sue phoned to say that I’d left my mobile at her house.  Damn, but there was no time to collect it because we would have got stuck in the school traffic.  We stopped off at Overstone to pick up the post but sods law the owner had forgotten his keys so we had to wait.   Eventually we arrived in Melton at half past ten.

Mum was in a dither so Phil got on with the lunch while I sorted through her post.  Phil did a lovely lunch and it was nice to see mum eat.  She doesn’t eat much at the best of times, but since dad died she’s hardly eaten anything.  On Monday afternoon we went to the funeral directors to see the body.  Phil didn’t want to go in to see his dad laid out in his coffin and neither did I but mum wanted to see George and didn’t want to go in by herself. I had no choice.  I had never seen a dead person before but the person in the coffin on Monday wasn’t George as I remember him. Mum was really upset, the funeral staff had cut George when they shaved him and his was face was hollow because he didn’t have his teeth in.  Tears were shed and I was glad that we didn’t stay too long, 10 minutes tops I guess.

Everyone was subdued on Monday evening worrying about the funeral the following day.  I don’t think I slept a wink. I was aware I was tossing and turning and Phil said that I’d kept him awake.  Mum didn’t sleep either.  We pottered on Tuesday morning and then after lunch we got dressed into our funeral gear.  Phil was the last to get changed and had a wardrobe malfunction.  The clasp came off when he tried to do up his trousers which incidentally were about 4 inches too long.  Luckily the trousers had a button as well as a clasp but just to be on the safe side, Phil put on a belt.  The collar on the shirt that Phil had bought didn’t do up and we decided that Phil should not tuck his shirt in because he made him look even fatter.  Phil’s suit jacket fitted although he couldn’t button it up.  Oh dear.

The hurst and the car came at 2pm.  It took 45 minutes to get to the crematorium in Grantham. I was surprised to see so many people.  I reckon there were 30 friends and family.  I was nervous about the service because I’d written the eulogy and chosen the music but I needn’t have worried because it was perfect.  Tara, the civil celebrant that we’d chosen was wonderful, she read the tribute to George and it was so heartfelt you would have thought that she’d know him when he was alive.  Mum had a few wobbly moments but we sandwiched her between the two of otherwise she would have buckled over.  Thankfully Phil & I held it together but I was glad that we had chosen not to speak.

After the service was over, lots of people said how touching the service was. We held the wake back at The Bowls Club in Melton.  Phil’s mum and dad never played bowls but we often used to have Sunday lunch in the restaurant.  The buffet was good, a bit laden down with pork pies but this was probably quite fitting given that we were in Melton Mowbray, home to the pork pie.  I am not sure how many people were there for George or for Bet but I didn’t much care. I was just pleased that George had a good send-off.  We got back to the bungalow, a bit tired but glad that the day was over.

On Wednesday morning we sorted through mum’s paperwork.  Dad’s estate was fairly straight forward so it’s not been too difficult to sort.  Whilst Phil took mum to the solicitors to pick up a certified copy of the Will, I worked out her income and her monthly outgoings and she’s going to be fine.  In fact we heard yesterday that she has been awarded the attendance allowance so she’s going to more than fine financially.  Mum has decided that she wants to stay in the bungalow for the time being and that is her prerogative.   I think she needs to give it a go and see how she gets on.

We left Melton at half past two and got back to MK before 4pm.  I did feel a little guilty leaving mum alone the day after the funeral but we have stuff that we desperately needed to do at home.  Phil went out with the Wednesday night boys as usual and Sue came over to the flat.  Sue is sad being in the midst of organising her dad’s funeral and also his estate.  Unfortunately I know exactly what that feels like but hopefully I can be of support now that I am a little further down the line.  We caught up but it was a subdued evening.

I made it to the gym for the first time in ages yesterday and it felt okay.  Afterwards I did some shopping in Asda then it was back home for some chilli and rice that I’d taken out of the freezer.  I stripped the bed and then went round to Sue’s. She had kindly offered to chauffer me while my car went in for a service.  We dropped my car off at a garage in Stacey Bushes and then did some shopping in B&M and Dunelm Mills.  Neither of us needed anything but I brought a butter dish for the caravan and also a fleece mattress protector.  Sue got a variety of things.  We finished up with a skinny latte and a hot chocolate upstairs in Dunelms then went back to the garage to pick up my car which fortunately was ready.

And here we are at Friday, the end of another week.  Phil is off to London today with Steve Pem; they are going for lunch at Simpsons in The Strand, then they’re off to the London Car Museum. This evening they are going to see Eric Clapton at the Royal Albert Hall.  Steve got tickets for his 60^th birthday and asked Phil if he’d like to go with him.  Hopefully the boys will enjoy their day. As for me, I’m going to have lunch with Mads and then coming back to pack our bags.  Even though the weather forecast is crap we have decided to spend the bank holiday weekend at the caravan.  We thought it would be nice to give mum a bit of a break and Phil is going to collect her tomorrow morning.  I am not expecting wall to wall sunshine but it will be good if the rain stops and we see a bit of blue sky.  Fingers crossed.  Have a good bank holiday everyone and remember that life is for living.

A week doing death duties

And so the sadness continues.  I picked up a text on Monday morning while we were driving to Melton and it was from Sue to say that her dad has passed away in the early hours.  Poor Bill has really been suffering and he was not in a good way when I last saw him on Saturday afternoon so there was a little part of me that was relieved to learn that he was finally at peace.  He was certainly a character and I hadn’t known him in his glory days.  I felt for Sue though; she’d left the hospital at 2am to go home to catch us a couple hours sleep having been by his bedside for 22 hours solid.  She got home and hadn’t even got to bed when she got the call asking her to come back to the hospital.  Unfortunately she was too late as Bill had already passed away.  At least Sue’s dad has no more pain and really I do not know how much longer Sue could have watched her dad suffer.  Sometimes enough really is enough. 

Mum seemed okay when we reached the bungalow but this wasn’t to last long; although I’d written the eulogy and Phil had edited, I had to show it to mum to see if she was happy with what was going to be said at the service.  Mum doesn’t read so well so I read it out loud to her.  I nearly made it to the end before I started to bawl and this set her off. Sad news and tears all before half nine on a Monday morning, certainly not a good start to the week.

But I knew Monday would be tough and that we’d all have to get through as best we could.  I showed mum the montage boards which she seemed to like and she and I wrote some captions to accompany the photographs whilst Phil got stuck into some DIY.   In the few hours that she has been left alone since George died, Bet is certain that friends will come back to the house after the wake, and being very house-proud, she has decided that she wants the bungalow in tip top condition.  This is fair enough; things have been neglected since dad took ill and I thought a spring clean was a good idea.  It will give her something to focus on and I am also better with a project.  It can’t be said the same for Phil, which is a shame because most of the DIY jobs are ones that only he can do.

After the boards, mum and I had to choose a set of clothes to take into the funeral directors.  I had to smile to myself because she picked a very old pair of trousers and a shirt that had seen better days together with a zipped jumper which was all bobbly from washing.  George certainly had much better quality clothes in his wardrobe but I had to let Bet choose. Into the plastic bag went pants and socks and freshly polished slippers. 

After lunch we went to the council offices to register the death. This wasn’t too bad, we had all the necessary documentation and Phil answered all the questions on mum’s behalf and this worked quite well.  Well, as well as could be expected in the circumstances.   Our visit to the funeral directors to deliver the clothes and discuss the finer details wasn’t so easy.  We had ordered book marks instead of a formal order of service and had to decide on a verse.  I suggested the poem ‘Death is nothing at all’ by Henry Scott Holland and the lady in the office printed off the verse and gave it to mum to read.  This brought on more tears which was not really surprising given that it is quite sad to read. 

George wasn’t a religious man so we had decided to use a funeral celebrant instead of a vicar.  Tara came round at half past three and we all liked her.  Tara’s granddad was a prisoner of war like George so that gave us something in common.  We gave her the typed tribute for George which she skimmed through and we talked through the order of service.  When Tara left I drove back to MK leaving Phil behind to stay with mum.  It had felt like a very long day and I was knackered by the time I got back to MK.

I was awake very early on Tuesday morning and decided to stop off and pick up some stuff from the Oldbrook flat.  I was dismayed to see the gate was broken and 2 of the fence panels had blown down.  I also wasn’t happy to see that the downstairs tenant had parked in my parking space. Another crap start to the day.  I was in the gym before half seven and round at Rachel’s house for my hair appointment.  She did me some low lights which are okay but I am not so happy with the cut.  Never mind it will grow I guess.

I caught up with domestics and paperwork and finished the day having a cup of tea with Sue.  Poor girl, she’d just got back from registering her dad’s death and was pretty wrung out.   I find it a weird coincidence that Phil’s dad and her dad died within 4 days of each other.  Still, I suppose this means that we completely understand what the other is going through and can give the other support if the need arises.

Phil left Melton early on Wednesday morning and arrived back at the flat at quarter past nine in a foul mood. The journey home had taken him 2 hours; the only reason he’d come back in the morning was for a 10.20 am appointment with the doctor.  I made him a cup of tea and then took myself over to Sue’s as I’d promised her that I would go with her to the funeral directors in Newport.  She’d said she was happy to go by herself but I insisted on going along for moral support. Bill will be cremated at the Crownhill Crematorium on Friday the 31^st of May.

I had 2 appointments at the dentist in the afternoon, one with the dentist for a check-up and the other with the hygienist. The check-up was fine and I don’t need any treatment but apparently I have problem with pockets in my gums and need to have some deep cleaning.  I am going to have this done over 4 appointments, 1 each month. I could have it done in just one appointment but I am not that brave.  Wednesday dinner was a delicious salmon supper at Sue’s, with wine lots of.  I think the intention was to drown our sorrows and this we accomplished.

Phil has been busy in Melton sorting out not only the bungalow but also the financial side of his dad’s estate.  He and mum had to get papers signed at Lloyds, Melton Mowbray Building Society and Nationwide.  George had an ISA with Nationwide and Phil ended up having to get a solicitor to sign a form for Nationwide to release the ISA’s.  Thankfully, we do not have to complete probate.

Phil went back to Melton on Thursday morning.  He didn’t leave until after nine and apparently he had another nightmare journey.  I went to the gym and afterwards shopping for suitable funeral attire.  I found a little black dress in H&M and a black blazer which will do for dad’s funeral next Tuesday and Sue’s dad’s funeral service the following week.  Let’s hope these are the only 2 funerals this year that I will attend.

I feel a bit down today and had to drag myself out of my bed this morning.  I didn’t have the energy or the inclination to go the gym so I decided to give it a miss.  In fact I have done sod all today bar visiting Sue for a chat late morning.  I did take the Landrover to the garage for a valet but that’s about it.  I decided that I wasn’t going to blog first thing because I am very aware that my thoughts, which translate into blog posts are not only depressing, but also, are not very much fun to read at this moment in time. But writing this blog is cathartic and found myself drafting this afternoon without even thinking about what I was doing.  Hopefully life will brighten up soon and I will feel lighter, but if not, I may have no option but to take a blogging break.  

The Circle of Life

My plan for Saturday was to keep busy and keep busy I did, well certainly for the first part of the day; I wrote Dad’s eulogy, posted a blog and was at the health club working out by half past nine.  After DW I did a big shop at Asda and was back at the flat for midday.  I was expecting to do a spot of lunch for Sue to give her a short respite from visiting her dad in hospital but she phoned to say that she couldn’t leave him so I went to see her at ward 15.  As it happened, Sue ended up buying my lunch, because aside from spare change for parking, I didn’t have any money.

Bill, Sue’s dad wasn’t doing too well.  He seemed to remember who I was but I am not so sure.  It was upsetting to see how much he has deteriorated.  Poor Bill was in an anxious state. He was on an IV drip for antibiotics and a morphine drip for pain relief.  There wasn’t much I could do but keep Sue Company by his bedside.   Her dad didn’t really have a high level of consciousness and was being sick constantly.  I am not sure that keeping a 10 hour bedside vigil is doing much for Sue but she feels that she has to be there just in case. I understand this.  I left when Sue’s sons Stuart & Matt turned up and came away from the hospital feeling pretty useless.  I seemed to feel useless quite a lot these days.

One of my funeral duties was to organise the music for dad’s funeral.  George was really into um-papa German music and Phil’s mum had given me their one and only CD which she had rescued from dad’s car.  Obviously it isn’t my cup of tea so I’ve no idea why it made me cry whilst en-route to the gym as I whizzed through the tracks.   By the time I arrived at the Stadium I had pretty much decided on track 12.  Job done.

When I left the hospital it tipped it down and although I still had lots of things on the ‘to do’ list I decided to drive straight home.  I felt overwhelmed with sadness; I don’t know whether it was a delayed reaction to dad passing or whether seeing Sue’s dad suffering and also Sue but I felt very down in the dumps on Saturday afternoon.  I didn’t know whether Phil was coming back to MK so I just sat in the flat and waiting for him.  He did phone to say that he was leaving at quarter past 3 so I could relax a bit then.  I had half expecting Phil to bring mum back but she insisted she was fine to stay home alone.  As it turned out she wasn’t; as I have voiced before, hindsight is a very valuable thing.

Phil wasn’t in the best frame of minds when he got home but only to be expected I guess in view of the fact that he has just lost his dad.  Factor into the equation the hour and an half drive home plus his mum’s tears then you get the picture that it wasn’t a terribly happy household at ours on Saturday evening.  Emma my ex-neighbour touched my heart when she sent me a text to say that she and the family were going to a church service and she said that she would light a candle for George.  How sweet was that?? In fact I must say thank you to all our friends and family that have sent messages of support, it is very touching to know that people are thinking of us.

Unfortunately Saturday night didn’t get any better because I received a text from Sue to say that the doctor had seen her dad and she was told that his organs were closing down.  I did offer to go to the hospital and give her some support, because that’s what friends are for but Matt & Stuart were going back in so she okay. Well not okay but at least not alone.

Sue and her dad Bill were very much on my mind when I awoke at 4am on Sunday morning.  I got up and made a cup of tea but unfortunately I didn’t go back to sleep.  We had a shit load of things to do so both Phil & I were up by half six doing stuff.  I sorted the photographs and put together the montage boards ready for the funeral.  Phil was pleased with them when I’d finished but the whole process was upsetting. 

Sue sent me a text to say that she had received a call from the hospital asking her to come to the hospital so that she could be with her dad’s for his final hours at 3.45am.  Another early bird.   I really felt for her because George passed quickly and without pain and I so wished the same for her dad.  Again there wasn’t much I could do.  We kept in touch by text yesterday and the last text from her last night said that Bill was still alive but deteriorating.  Her intention was to stay with him throughout the night.  I have heard anything this morning.

Phil & I packed the car ready yesterday to go down to Melton today, I had intended to go to the gym but I didn’t have the inclination.   Phil invited Jim who was home alone because Shirley is in Australia to come over for Sunday lunch and to watch the Spanish Grand Prix.  My first inclination was to cancel him but actually it was a welcomed distraction and a chance for Phil to enjoy something ‘normal’.  The boys watched the race whilst I cooked the dinner.  I’d also invited Harriet over for lunch because I hadn’t seen her since before we went away on holiday.  She turned up with Mitzi, the little dog that she is looking after whilst her friend Jenny is away on holiday in India for 3 weeks.

Lunch was alright and pretty chilled out, which I think is just what me and Phil needed.  It was nice to see Jim and catch up with all of the Robb news.  Overall a good day yesterday with a Sunday roast, a few drinks, good company and just what the doctor ordered.

George

It has to be said, that we have had a dreadful week. Tuesday started off okay, I was up at 5am, managed to write and publish a blog and was on the road to Melton just after 7am.  The traffic was awful in every direction and it took me over 2 hours to get to mum and dad’s bungalow.   I arrived to find both mum and dad in a dreadful state.  Poor Bett was both physically and mentally exhausted, over the last 6 weeks George’s mobility has deteriorated and the physical exertion of looking after him has taken its toll.   It didn’t help that George was suffering from sickness and diarrhoea which meant lots of effort getting him of out his chair and onto the loo.

George looked dreadful; his legs and tummy were swollen with water and he couldn’t get comfortable in his chair.  I took mum for a quick shopping trip to Tesco’s and then called the surgery and asked from a home visit from the doctor.  Bett was reluctant for me to make the call because she was worried that the doctor would send him back to the hospital.  I decided to take the risk.

The doctor came out just after we’d cleared away lunch and was very good. He examined George thoroughly and then asked if there was somewhere we could talk privately.  We went into the main bedroom, the doc sat on the bed, mum sat on the commode and I sat on the stool under the hairdryer.  I sensed that what he was going to tell us wouldn’t be good news and I was right.  Basically he told mum & me that George’s heart was failing and that his organs were shutting down. He asked if we had discussed ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ with George.  Nobody had mentioned this to us before and it was the mention of this that made mum realise that George was actually dying and would not recover.  She sobbed her little heart out in the bedroom and it was all I could do to keep it together for her sake.

The doctor tried to talk to George about being resuscitated should he have a heart attack but George was too confused to give him an answer; in the end the doctor signed the form on his behalf.  I have to say the doctor that came out was brilliant with both mum and dad.  The doctor said he was going to arrange for the MacMillan team and the District Nurses to visit. He also asked me to go to the surgery later in the afternoon to collect end of life injections which I duly did before I left Melton.

After the doctor left, mum was very upset and I had no choice but to have a very frank conversation with her.  I felt very guilty waving her goodbye when I left to go home.  Of course I had to fill Phil in with the events of the day and we agreed that he should visit before the end of the week.  The worry of George & Bett stayed with me all the following day and I couldn’t summon the energy for anything.  I did manage a half-hearted workout at the gym and dropped off a few bits and pieces for the OB flat but it was all an effort.  Really I should have got on with the glossing at the flat but I just couldn’t be arsed.  Most unlike me.  Sue had been at the hospital with her dad for most of the day and we decided that we wouldn’t get together for our usual Wednesday night rendezvous.  This was probably a good decision because I don’t think I would have been very good company.

I felt more my usual self on Thursday and had a good workout at DW.  I walked back into the flat mid-morning to find Phil on the phone to his mum.  She had called in floods of tears to tell Phil that dad was being sick and was making funny noises with his breathing.  Phil called the District Nurse who said that she would go round as soon as possible.  We phoned mum back and then waited.  In hindsight, we should have packed a bag and drove to Melton there and then but we didn’t.  Sometime before midday we phoned to see if the District Nurse was there and thankfully she was but it wasn’t good news. The nurse told Phil that he needed to get there as soon as possible.

I decided to stay behind and I was grateful that Sue, on a brief break from visiting her dad in hospital, popped round for a cup of tea.  She was there when I took the call from Phil to tell me that his dad had died at 1pm.  It’s funny, I knew that George’s days were numbered but it came as a shock to hear that he’d passed. The sad thing is, that Phil was too late, there was an accident on the M1 and he didn’t get to the bungalow until half one.  It was a godsend that the District Nurse was there with Bett and able to give George an injection of morphine and also an injection to ease the congestion so that that when dad died, he was not in any pain.  The nurse stayed until Phil arrived and was the one to break the news to Phil, she also called the doctor out.

Of course as soon as Phil phoned, I packed a bag and drove to Melton.  The undertaker was there when I arrived and George had already been collected and taken to the funeral parlour or wherever they take the deceased.  Naturally mum was very upset and I don’t think it helped seeing her husband of more than 60 years being carried out in a body bag.

Phil & mum made tea and tried to make light of everything but it was strange not having dad sat in his chair.  Whilst tea was cooking, I did what Claire does best; I made a list of things to do for the funeral arrangements.  I wasn’t looking forward to sleeping in dad’s double bed which was probably why we didn’t go to bed until nearly midnight.  I slept but was up before 6am.  Phil’s mum wasn’t far behind me and whilst she was in the shower, I went for a run round the block. I needed to clear my head.

Yesterday was busy, Phil phoned family and friends to let them know about George and I typed letters on my laptop.  We couldn’t get an appointment to register the death at the town hall until Monday, but we did get to the building society to get a cheque for the funeral directors and we also went to The Bowls Club to book a room and a buffet for the wake.  The funeral will take place on Tuesday the 21^st of May in the afternoon.

Phil made lunch although Phil’s mum hardly ate anything. I worry that if left by herself she won’t bother with food.  In the afternoon, Phil got the photographs down from the attic and we had a happy couple of hours talking about days gone by.  I came home last night leaving Phil to ‘mum’ sit.  He is spending the day with her and coming home tonight.  Then we are back to Melton on Monday.

I got up early this morning to write George’s eulogy; I had almost finished it then my computer crashed and I lost the whole document, because stupidly, I hadn’t saved it.  I have just finished it for the second time and now I feel doubly sad.  However, there is no time to feel sad or sorry for myself because I have a mountain of jobs to do.  I think keeping busy at this moment in time is a good plan.